The Twin Dragons and Tampons
by jellalyrancher
Summary: Sting and Rogue are on a mission and it's possibly the most dangerous one they've ever undertaken—shopping for Yukino's toiletries!


Yukino Agria wasn't sure which of the two Twin Dragons looked more incredulous. She was, however, very entertained at the fact that Rogue had an incredulous expression.

"You need _what_?" Sting Eucliffe asked for the fifth time, his face contorting. The white-haired Celestial Mage flushed again, her eyes flicking down towards the ground.

"I-I said I need..." Her voice trailed into a mumble.

"There is _no way_ I'm going and picking that up," Sting said almost fiercely. "Ask Lady!"

"I did ask Minerva!" Yukino whispered, prodding Sting in the chest. "But she's not even in town!"

"So let me clarify the situation...you're having a—" Rogue Cheney paused and glanced at Frosch, who jumped at the tassels on the ends of Yukino's curtain. "—a _womanly issue_ , and don't have the, um, necessary tools?"

"It's not a damn wrench, Rogue, she's talking about a tampon!"

"Multiple tampons actually," Yukino interrupted, biting at her lip. Rogue looked at her in surprise.

"You need more than one?"

"It lasts for several days!" Yukino snapped and crossed her arms.

"That's disgusting!" Sting exclaimed.

"I can't control it, you ignorant piece of—"

"Yukino," Rogue slid in between them, tapping his foot in agitation. "How does this help you?"

"Well since I'm bleeding out of my...since I'm bleeding, I need to have something to block the—"

"Fine! Fine! We'll get your...tampons..." Sting ground out, looking at Rogue. "Should we like...dress as women?"

"Don't be an idiot." Rogue told him irritatedly. "We'll just ask for their tampons."

"Thank you, thank you," Yukino cried, throwing her arms around them both. Rogue and Sting made uneasy eye contact as they patted her back.

 _What the hell have we done_?

 **#**

"That pharmacist was giving us a funny look," Sting growled as he scanned the signs hanging from the ceiling for 'women's toiletries'.

"Of course she was. We're two grown men asking where she keeps her tampons," Rogue reminded him apathetically. He nudged Sting with his elbow as he finally located the right aisle and let the White Dragon Slayer lead the way.

"I just don't understand why Yukino-chan is so grumpy," Sting said, pausing in front of the aisle. "What the...there's so many! Which one do we get?"

"Don't ask me."

"But you're the smart one!"

"Do I look like I have a...a...woman part?"

"Well—" Sting was cut off as a tendril of shadow clamped over his mouth.

"If you finish that sentence I'll kill you."

Their boots scuffed on the flecked linoleum as they walked down the seemingly endless aisle. There had to be a hundred brands and sizes to choose from, not to mention shapes and styles and even ones that looked like diapers.

"Gods above being a woman must be awful," Rogue murmured, scanning each box of toiletries.

"Do we...do we try them on? Oh, hang on, there's directions." Sting picked up the nearest box and squinted at the writing on the back. "Remove wrapping completely before using. Locate vaginal hole and insert— _insert_?! These go _inside_?!"

"Keep your voice down, idiot," Rogue hissed, knocking the box from his loud friend's hand.

"Ah, that's so sweet. Helping out your girlfriends, dears?"

Both boys turned to stare wide eyed at an elderly woman who was smiling serenely at them.

"If only more young men were like you, unashamed to take care of their girls. It's too bad you've been snapped up," she continued, oblivious to Sting and Rogue's paralysis. "My granddaughter could use handsome fellows like you." She scuttled away after that, humming contentedly.

Rogue broke the silence first. "You're not actually going to use this to pick up women, are you?"

Sting smiled widely. "Hell yeah I am!"

"You're disgusting. Help me pick one already, I want to leave."

"You pick one! I'm going to pick out some chocolate for Yuki-chan." The exuberant blonde took off across the pharmacy.

"Idiot," Rogue cursed under his breath. He crossed his arms and glared at the offending boxes of tampons. He considered calling Yukino, but didn't want to risk her wrath. She had been awfully frightening the last few days. At a light cough, his head whipped around. Lisanna Strauss stood there, hands clasped in front of her legs.

"Rogue-san?" She asked, looking confused.

"What are you doing here?" Rogue asked rather rudely. The Fairy Tail Mage just smiled.

"On a job with Elf-nii-chan and Mira-nee. I had to stop in to grab some supplies, but I didn't realize you'd be here."

"Hn." He grunted noncommittally and continued his browsing.

"Rogue-san, would you like some help?" Lisanna asked tentatively. "Natsu needed help the first time I had him run in for me. I thought Lucy was going to pull her hair out." She giggled at the memory.

"Natsu does this?" Rogue questioned quietly.

"Ne, of course. He knows it means a lot to me. Are these for Yukino-chan?"

Rogue nodded slowly, uncrossing his arms. "I don't know what to get."

"Well, she's built a lot like me, so I'd say these," Lisanna pointed to a box on the bottom shelf. "But then again I'm not sure how heavy her flow is...maybe grab those as well, just in case." She indicated a bright purple box two shelves away. Rogue grabbed them both and pushed them into the basket.

"Arigatou," Rogue murmured, nodding his head. Lisanna beamed at him.

"You're welcome!"

"Yo, Rogue, check out this massive—Lisanna?"

"Hello, Sting-san," the white-haired Mage greeted him kindly. "I take it those are for Yukino, too?"

Sting had an armful of bags of candy—gummy bears, chocolate bars, sour candies and even long ropes of licorice. He flushed at seeing Lisanna watching them shop for tampons.

"Uh, _heh_ , yeah." He dumped the candy into the basket and scratched his head.

"You're good friends," Lisanna told them warmly. "But you might want to hurry up and get back—she needs that."

"Oh, you found some?" Sting said loudly, peering into the basket.

"Yeah. Let's check out."

"'Kay! Bye, Lisanna-chan!" Sting called cheerfully, practically running to the cashier. Lisanna grinned.

"Great friends."

 **#**

" _Yuuukiiiinoooo_! We're back!" Sting kicked the door to his guildmate's apartment open wide with his arms being laden down by bags. Rogue followed silently, fixing the door behind him.

"Could you shut up? She's got a headache." Minerva sat on one end of the couch with Lector sitting lazily next to her, Yukino's feet propped in her lap.

"Whoa, why are you here?" Sting demanded, surprised. Minerva picked at her cuticles.

"I just got back and decided to check on my teammate. Problem, Master?" Her smile was the edge of a razor blade.

"Nope, none at all," Sting said hurriedly, putting the bags down. "We got what you needed, and some extra!"

Yukino peered into the bag. "You got the right size and everything! Arigatou."

"The youngest Strauss was there. She helped me," Rogue said quietly, sitting in the armchair opposite the girls. Frosch jumped into his arms, chanting "Ro is home! Ro is home!"

"Is that chocolate?" Minerva asked, leaning across the coffee table. "Wow. You guys are good."

"Basically the kings of periods, amiright?" Sting boasted, leaning against a wall.

"The Kings!" Lector repeated obediently, jumping up to give Sting a high five.

Rogue shuddered. "I never want to hear that sentence out of your mouth again."

"Thank you boys, you're the best," Yukino murmured, smiling widely at them. Rogue flushed lightly in embarrassment. Sting launched across the room to fling an arm over her shoulder.

"Yeah, it was fun! We'll do it next week too! And for all of yours, Lady!"

"Sting," Rogue warned.

"As long as you promise not to bite our heads off!"

"Sting we need to talk—" Rogue tried again.

"And now we know when you're bitchy it's just because of this! Lady, are you currently—"

"Alright, I'm taking him," Rogue interrupted, rising and clapping a hand over his moronic friend's mouth. Minerva's face contorted in anger at the same time Yukino's cheeks flooded.

"If you wish to live, stop speaking," the Shadow Dragon Slayer snarled into Sting's ear.

"But I wanted chocolate," he complained, his voice muffled.

The boys ran from the room closely followed by their Exceeds and a sudden pelting storm of candy. As the door slammed shut, Rogue removed his hand and sighed.

"Time to talk about how everything you said is wrong."

* * *

 _Okay, so this was ridiculously fun to write. I wrote this as a gift for the lovely Erika, aka xstars-and-shadowsx :) she loves her some Sabertooth boys, especially Rogue. I was inspired by a photo portraying a similar incident with Team 8 from **Naruto** and I knew I just had to write it with these poor, dopey boys. I really loved this, I love Sabertooth and I love you, Eri! Hope you liked it :D_


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